BORN TO BE LOVED
From the beginning, Tyler and I decided we’d opt out of a hospital birth and have our first at home with a midwife. Never once was I scared or uneasy about our decision – it felt right and we knew everything was going to unfold wonderfully.
I had a rough time the beginning three to four weeks of pregnancy, but with a handful of reading and consistency with energy work, I was able to sail smoothly through my nine-month journey. My anticipation for the long awaited arrival of my baby girl didn’t build up until the first week in November, when I initially thought she would join us. Poop on due dates! I was wrong and continued to wait. During this time I learned a great deal of patience, which didn’t end as soon as I would have liked. I had several nights where I cried myself to sleep. At times it felt as if the whole world was waiting on me to have my baby and there was nothing I could do about it! I was tired and uncomfortable. I couldn’t sleep and wanted so badly to have my body back, and more than anything see the sweet little face of my baby girl and finally hold her in my arms.
Eight days past my "guess date" of November 11, on November 19th, I thought my water might have broke because I had a gush a fluid and a few warm-up contractions. I was in touch with my midwife, who had me swab with a special q-tip that shows if fluid is really leaking or not, but it showed negative. And then nothing more happened the entire night.
The morning of November 20th, Tyler and I were off to Tulsa once again (we lived out of the city about an hour East), for an appointment with my midwife. One I was hoping to avoid. We were given uncomfortable and unwanted news. My cervix was tucked under the baby’s head. There is no need to explain the pain of having that adjusted. So, we left the midwives thinking I still might not have the baby for another several days. Luckily, we thought wrong.
After spending the rest of the day shopping and walking around Tulsa, my contractions kicked in at 6:30pm, while I was making dinner. I spent every few minutes on the floor doing pelvic rocks to help relieve the pressure. I managed to stay comfortable until 10:00 pm and then labor pains increased and were about 5 minutes a part. Tyler called the midwife, and Faith arrived around 10:45 pm.
10:45 pm – 6:30 am on November 21st.
Once my contractions were around five minutes apart I began throwing up after every contraction, unable to keep anything down. Tyler was consistently encouraging me to drink a little water and eat a few bites of bananas and yogurt. He would patiently try and feed me some food while I had a break, only to watch it backfire. After a few hours of intensity my midwife checked me around 12:30 am. I was dilated to 3cm, but my cervix was still in the wrong place and I wasn’t relaxing well. Tyler and Faith filled up the birthing pool and I was able to relax more through each contraction. I stayed in the birthing pool for four hours, trying to calmly tell myself I was going to make it.
Faith told Tyler to get some rest, so he laid down on the bed close to the pool. Faith was also exhausted herself and fell asleep several times with her head resting on the side of the pool. There was a two-hour window where I was completely alone, in complete silence, focusing on connecting with my body and trying my hardest to let each contraction come and do what it was supposed to. It was a very spiritual time for me, and although I had Tyler and Faith there, I felt alone, but I knew I wasn’t completely alone and the Savior was comforting me. I wanted so badly for it to be over.
At 4:30am Faith pulled me out of the water. My contractions had slowed down and I was still at 3cm with a rock hard cervix. I laid on the bed for two more hours while Tyler and Faith slept. Nothing happened and at 6:30am Faith decided she was going to head home. Here I was with another full day ahead of me. I was exhausted.
Day 3 – November 21st
As soon as Faith left my contractions picked up immediately. I continued to throw up and as the intensity of each contraction grew I knew something was going to happen that day. All Tyler had to eat that day was a banana and a bowl of cereal. He sat by me on the yoga ball all day long, constantly stroking me, telling me I was strong and I could do it, letting me know he loved me and we were progressing. Soon, we would see our little girl.
I began losing track of time and of my surroundings. Because I wasn’t able to keep any solids or liquids down, I became delirious. Tyler called Faith at 2:00pm when my contractions were three-minutes apart. After Faith arrived back at my house, she observed me for a little while and decided to see how far dilated I was. Happily, I was finally at 8cm.
Unfortunately, the baby’s heart rate was dropping some, my eyes had were becoming hard to focus, my body was shaking and I didn’t have very much control. It wasn’t long before I was going to pass out. The inability to keep food and water down for so many hours was taking it's toll. Faith immediately hooked me up to an IV and oxygen. After just the first 10 minutes with the IV and oxygen there was a drastic change in my demeanor - my energy levels and the baby’s heart rate went back to normal.
Suddenly, I felt the urge to push. I was not completely dilated to 10cm, so I was pushing too soon. My midwife encouraged me to wait and not give in to the urge, but at times it was overwhelming. The baby was not positioned right and didn’t have the time to position herself correctly before she dropped into the birth canal, which led to unwanted back labor. I wanted the pool to help relieve the pressure but I wasn’t able to get back in the water until the IV was done. It felt like forever.
Finally, at 5:00pm, enough IV fluids were in, my vitals had stabilized and baby sounded great, so I was able to get back in the pool and relax in the water - it was amazing. In my mind, I was realizing the time had come for me to "die" and turn from the carefree maiden I had been my entire life, and now give birth to myself as a mother. It was the hardest thing I had to do, yet, I was doing it. Oddly enough, I was never afraid.
6:13 PM on November 21st Aviana finally arrived.
8 pounds 2 ounces 21 inches long
I have to thank my wonderful midwife, Faith, and her assistant Cathy. What incredible women! They taught me so much and Tyler and I were so blessed to have found them. It was a privilege working with both and to share this moment with them. I relied so much on Faith's calming touch and quiet persistence. I hope they will both continue to take part and see such wonderful miracles happen within the homes of so many families. Thank you.
Aviana is not mine. She is still His. I have been given this chance to help her return back to Him. Although it was hard, I would do it again and again. Her sweet spirit is worth every moment of suffering I had to endure.